Let’s have a little fun. Usually scientific propaganda tries to snow us with fuzzy math, large numbers and theoretical scenarios that could never ever happen. One fun scenario is: a infinite number of chimpanzees typing on typewriters for an infinite amount of time and producing some notable literary work -usually conjectured as William Shakespeare’s “Hamlet”. This is called the Infinite Monkey Theorem.
Now I submit that there is no such thing as infinite. One of the problems is that because infinity is beyond examination ANYTHING can be attributed to what happens there without anyone’s ability to prove it wrong. Everything we know is finite and although something may be very, very small and others very, very large they are still finite.
Well getting back to the chimps, we want to do an experiment with them also. However because we have a limited (nonexistent) budget we will only use 300 chimps. To compensate for our lack of resources we have procured 300 of the best chimps from the Chimp Screen Writers Guild. Our goal is to write “A Monkey’s Tail” a manuscript of 300 pages. Each chimp is tasked to write one page of this soon to be literary sensation.

Now these guys are pros and except for having to stop every couple of minutes for a banana break, unjamming the keys, the constant changing of the paper and the incessant “monkeying around” these little hairy guys were each able to knock out a page in 1 day. Think of this staggering achievement. The probability of doing 1 page of 300 words is 1/(50^200) allowing for 100 typos and no requirement for capitals. I would be kidding you if told I could calculate the odds of the 300 chimps typing a unique page of our great novel. Lets just say that this is maybe where they came up with the concept of infinity.
But wait just because we have the 300 random pages of our novel we still have to collate them. Fortunately these chimps are editors also and were able to put the 300 pages of our novel in order in 4 days so they were able to take the weekend off. The probability of arranging these 300 pages was 1 in 300! (300 factorial) or 1 in 3×10^614.

300 chimps

Okay we had to upgrade the experiment from typewriters to word processors

Being that our chimps miraculously were able to produce our manuscript of “A Monkey’s Tale” we thought that maybe we could use them to construct human DNA. To give them a running start we would provide a pile of the 208×10^9 atoms to work with.
The chimps devised an ingenious strategy of attacking the problem like they did the manuscript assignment. They would break the pile down into “books” and then assemble these “books” into the DNA sequence. However they realized that they would need help so they beat the jungle telegraph and got on board an additional 29,700 chimps. Before they were dealing with only 90,000 letters but they now had 208×10^9 (208,000,000,000) atoms to arrange.
Immediately this burgeoning crew swarmed the huge pile of atoms. The scene was mind boggling – atom after atom they furiously assembled into a “book” of 90,000 atoms. They calculated that they had to assemble 208×10^9/90×10^3 or 2.3×10^6 “books” of genetic information. 2.3×10^6/3×10^4 means that it would take this crew approximately 100 days to accomplish this phase of the task if they were able to maintain the same proficiently they had on the novel. Fortunately they were and 100 days later phase one was complete.
Again this by now “crack” team, got together to devise the strategy to assemble 2.3×10^6 “books” of information.
Note: If these were actual books laid one on top the other the pile would be over 82 miles high.
They calculated that phase two would take (2.3×10^6)!. They, like I could not actually calculate this probability but they started to rough it to 304x303x302x301x(300!) to test the feasibility. If 300! is 3×10^614 then 304x303x302x301 times that would be 8.3×10^9 time more. Even using that infinitesimal approximate increase meant the entire crew would have to work 8.3×10^9/3×10^4 times 4 days or 11×10^5 days or approximately 3000 years. The Chimp Screen Writer Guild figured they had better things to do for the next trillion (they couldn’t even calculate how many) years so they ordered their workers off the job.
We were actually very glad that they had because we did not have the money (bananas) to pay them in the first place, and they were really messy workers. Also the fact they had about a 33% error rate meant not only was our novel not publishable but also there would have been some 69,000,000,000 mistakes in our DNA sequence. We couldn’t afford the law suits.

Joke: if a woman kisses a frog and it becomes a prince – it is called a fairy tale. If given enough time, a frog, even without the benefit of a kiss, becomes a prince – it is called science.

Question to Ponder: Who is kidding whom here?